Eve's Incredible Journey

Funerals you don't expect to happen

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 23:32:18 GMT

Yesterday I had a very long day. I left home at 6:45am to catch a 8am flight to Ballina. The reason being to attecnd a friend from high schools', Ellie, funeral. She was killed in a car accident last weekend.

I have been through a mixture of emotions about this. I feel very very sad when I think about her, and i feels so unfair that her life was so short, and so random that such a small incident can just end someone's life (a dog ran onto the road, and her boyfriend swerved to avoid it, hit a tree instead...country roads, it seems Alstonville and this north coast area has more than its fair share of youth killed on roads.).

I haven't seen Ellie for at least a year, but the news of her death has still been extremely shocking. Sometimes I can just distance myself from it and it doesn't seem real, but yesterday at the funeral it felt all to real, and I feel quite emotional writing about it now.

I hadn't quite realised how much of a reunion it would be, but I guess I should have. So many people from high school were there, many coming up from Sydney and Brisbane and other places. At the airport I actually ran into two high school friends and co-incidentally we were all on the same (delayed by 2 hours)-flight. Plenty of time to catch up in the airport, and we said that is anyone were to organise a reunuion it would have been Ellie.

I guess the sense of how random life and death is, and how potentially transient, has really hit me. I feel that everything is so fragile and could be taken away at any moment, so you better treasure it while you have it.

Loosing contact with people happens, it is a natural part of modern life as we all move around, but when you have contact with people, you should make sure you treasure it, care for your friends, aquaintances, old friends, new friends, current friends, they are all friends.

There were a few comments yesterday at the gathering afterwards that 'this' (all of us together) would probably not be seen again, and certainly we hope not since it took a funeral to initiate it. It was good to catch up with everyone afterwards, despite the sad situation, lots of teachers from the school were there too and it was good to catch up with them too. In a small community, tragedies are magnified, and many people showed up to show solidarity and sadness at such a young life being lost.

I felt a very depressed sad after i first heard the news, a pessimistic feeling about the world being full of suffering and stuff. Somehow, despite my misty eyes at the moment, I feel more optimistic since the funeral. It was sad but lovely funeral service. A sudden death of a 22 yr old is going to be extremely sad, but the funeral gave you some hope to grasp.

Sun, 27 May 2007 05:33:53 GMT

Why I think it is important to study literature, especially Chinese literature. This is a little, not very well written personal essay, helping me to justify to myself why I might want to devote parts of myself to the study of Chinese literature...

My first point is that in modern society very few people are engaged in "essential" professions, and that what is considered "essential" is probably vastly greater than previous societies. Our society has evolved so that relatively few people are needed to do these professions. The people that do do these jobs are really heroes, but the point is that it is not being a slackarse not to engage in this type of work...

Second point, "useful" professions are defined in terms of what society will pay for. So engineering is generally considered a "useful" discipline. Economics, Chemistry these are "useful" disciplines. Arts is generally underappreciated, however I think it plays an important role in society and is just as real as something from the sciences, say computor science. All these engagements are about improving the society we live in, making it more comfortable..etc. The creatives arts, like Drama, film, writing, visual art, are also enriching society, and a society that values these things is much healthier, in my opinion, than one that doesn't. So Societies that value these things, also pay for people to go into professions that promote these things. (or should anyway).

So China is a country that has, in her recent history, had very morally perverse periods of wiping out these creative arts and is still recovering today. While the atmosphere has changed a lot, there is still a lot of geovernmental pressure of the arts, and it is a stifled industry (both the creation and study of the arts, for instance in Chinese Univerisities no one teaches or studies Nobel Prize Winner Gao XingJian although they may have read or heard of him, and what people write or film etc is resticted by guidelines restricting the subject matter). I think that in order to become a healthy functioning country, among other things, the Arts is one industry/ area that needs to be expanded, focused on, encouraged. Studying it is part of this. So you could say that in trying to study Chinese literature, I am trying to help in my own small way, Chinese writers have a voice and encourage the Arts industry in China. I think this is a worthwhile pursuit.

Sun, 27 May 2007 05:16:20 GMT

Movies

I have been to see more movies this month than I have in ages. I saw Paris Je'T aime, Crossing Borders and Tales form Earthsea. All subtitled movies, from the French, Spanish and Japanese respectively.

It made me think about what relocating countries and immigrating is like (in it a Spanish family move to Swizterland for economic reasons and then move back to Spain 10 yrs or so later), and how much of a "bond" you have with your home country.
Alex thought that the family should go back to Switzerland as both the son and the father seemed happier there, and it was mainly the mother who had these nostalgic feelings for her home country. He thought it was cruel to uproot the son and take him back to a place with a much lower standard of living. So I guess that raises questions about how much people are willing to compromise standard of living with a culture to which they belong, and maybe helps to understand why migrant groups clump together in suburbs. I think that if they can recreate something of what they miss from their homelands this is good, like in Ashfield, a Chinese person would not feel like Austalia was too foreign.

From my personal experiences in China, it is always comforting to have some western elements available if you want them. So while I didn't go to the Carrefour very much, if I wanted to it was nice to go and buy cheese or magnums. There was nowhere in China where you felt like you could be in Australia, but to have some things available to you made you more likely to be able to stay longer. (I am a bit anti going to another country and then just eating/ doing whatever you would at home, but if you stay for longer it is different...).

But the woman in the film could not speak German hardly at all, and was not willing to sacrifice her own culture to improve the family's standard of living, they moved back to a small grotty Madrid apartment after a beautiful

Tales from Earthsea was my first real Anime experience, before I have only watched snippets and have always felt I didn't know what was going on since I never watched from the beginning.
It was a beautiful film, although the story was nothing brilliant, it was enjoyable to watch. The characters were not very developed, and I don't think it stuck very closely to the books. There was something about it that didn't seem complete, like it was just a story, superficially told...I had a nice Monday night out watching it anyway.... I think I would like to watch some of the others from Gihbli studios which apparently are better.

Procrastination...

Sun, 20 May 2007 08:15:08 GMT

The valient explorer sets out to prove herself as a scholar of humanities....But Alas she is bombarded with obstacles....Can she overcome them?

So I am going to China next year...and now I am thinking seriously about being a full on China person of some sort...whatever that means...I am trying to write an essay about Dream of the Red Chamber at the moment...greatest book in chinese language, apparently, although my reading experience is limited, I think it's a really good set of books, so much depth and very masterfully put together...but I wouldn't be able to make sweeping statements about it. My reading expereince will be less limited as I plough through the four books I bought from Kinukunia last week. :), and a few from the library like Jin Ping Mei, should also read Romance of the Three Kingdoms and then I've covered the four classics of premodern stuff.

Back to concentrating on literary criticism...

Sat, 05 May 2007 04:49:38 GMT

Lately I've been thinking more and more about China. This was probably prompted by my yet to be made decision to do honours in Chinese Studies rather than conforming to my conventional path of doing some more maths. It has been heart searching and I have been trying to think what my purpose in life might be. I have been quite happy not to have a purpose but for some reason speaking to my Dad made me feel like I was shallow or frivolous if I just potter about without a purpose. Not that he said that, but he talked about how he knew he wanted to do something that was improving the environment and eventually achieved this goal. Everything he has done from his degree, masters, job at the CSIRO, phd, better job has been fulfilling this goal. Unfortunately I am not religious so if I am to have a purpose I must think of it myself...and I started to wonder if there was any "purpose" behind my interest in China.
Sometimes I think I would much rather be interested in a "nicer" country like...I dunno are there any such places? I don''t know the answer to this, but I know that all too often I am appalled and repelled by the things I read about China. On a surface visit it is easy to be enthusiastic about China, yet to delve into what is going on in this country makes me scared and hopeless. The ideologies, the environmental horrors, the recent history and psychological damage incurred by this, the colonisation of Tibet, Inner Mongolia, The arrogance of the government and the culture in general, these are all things that repell me from China, and yet, in a strangely sadistic way, perhaps they are also things that have drawn my interest in China deeper.
At the moment there are still so many unwritten rules (or maybe they are written I wouldn;t know) about what people are allowed to think and about what they are allowed to think. It might seem like China is modernizing, especially when you go there, central Beijing resembles the future more than it resembles Sydney, even mid western Chongqing's city centre seems amazingly modern and more global than any place in Australia. Yet the thinking in China is not modern, the government policies are not modern, look at the plight of the disabled in China who can't even access mainstream universities (and we are talking about minor disabilities like missing one arm). Small " L" liberalism might be paractised economically, but not politically in China.
Is there anything I can really do? Do I really preceive myself trying to do anything? I feel compassionate but yet I am not sure if I could actually mobilise myself to devote my life to trying to improve the plight of China. Is is really my role anyway? I'm not Chinese afterall, but what do national boundaries have to do with humanity?I don't even know where to start...but learning is certainly a start...

Procrastination, have been bumming away most of day...I have to write a presentation on Hong Lou Meng. I am comparing Daoist and Confucian interpretations of sexuality. It's really interesting. Both are philosophies I would like to learn about in more depth, if I am going to even attempt to understand China. While western thinking is basically traced back to the greeks, much of Chinese thinking has (at least I am not sure how the last century has changed things) Confucianism to answer for. Actually I would say Confucianism is closer to Christianity in its respective place in society...But that is a mere uninvestigated hypothesis.

Josh Pyke Lyrics:

it makes me sad to feel
the need to live my life
at such a great speed
and I would lay you down
and we'd watch the clouds
roll over skies we wouldn't
recognise

But instead there's flowers in the yard
of someone else's house
I won't look in
those windows
and what we say today may
not always carry water well,
but before I refuse, to leap from vessels
before they've even set sail
don't aim for the horizon
it's only an illusion
leading you back
where you started from
And there's not time to fuck around
for too long

And this could come undone
but only a fool enters agreements thinking they were wrong
So I would lay
you down
and we'd watch the
stars come out
and blur our eyes
at the distance

4/5/07 7:30 NEW CD: My Favourite thing!!!
4/5/07 9:00 Teasing Alex on the phone until he begs me to tell him what I bought: My favourite thing!! :)
4/5/07 11:00 Reruns of Chaser, my favourite thing! (last nights was paricularly hilarious when baby Chas got into aquarium and other places for free!
5/5/07 Fresh Sourdough bread: My Favourite Thing!!!

Dog and Cat's diary

Sat, 05 May 2007 01:00:58 GMT

THE DOGS DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm- Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

THE CAT'S DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
some
Sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly
clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength.
The
only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I
had
Hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates
My capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about
what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
Placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I
could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how
to
use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems
To be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe.....For now.

This is something that was forwarded to me.

Thu, 03 May 2007 02:03:24 GMT

How funny.
Yesterday I was in the chinese literature section of Fisher Library and I ended up borrowing a small pile of books, two by Gao XingJian, the 2000 nobel prize winner. I borrowed One Man's Bible, and The Case for Literature (which is non fiction).
Gao XingJians were the books in the pile that I felt most compelled to start reading straight away as well. So I am 7 chapters into "One Mans Bible" , and observed over breakfast that the translater of both One Mans Bible and Soul Mountain is one Mabel Lee an associate professor of Sydney University. This was very interesting, but the funny thing was when I open my email just a while ago I had an email from my Chinese Literature lecturer inviting students to attend a seminar at UTS about Translating Gao XingJian given by Mabel Lee. It's funny the co-incidences that occur. If I wasn't 7 chapters into One Mans Bible and my head buzzing with thoughts about this book, I may not have been nearly as interested in this seminar as I am now...

Tue, 01 May 2007 02:13:27 GMT

I hate it when "grown-ups" say things are a waste of time. Everyone seems to be thinking I am mucking around. Helen Dunstan just asked why I am wasting my time doing Spanish, I could do that any old time she said...Like when?? Anyway, I went to meet her, and got a little told off for not coming to see her earlier when i could have changed what subjects I am doing this semester. Ahh, so scarey to have to make decisions, although I guess if you make the wrong one, you can always just 'waste' a bit more time at Uni rectifying the situation.
See people don't see their own subjects as a waste of time, just everyone elses, and so everyone thinks you should dive headlong into their specific area, and when you hedge your bets no one really understands. I think Helen would have understood more if I'd said I was going to abandon Chinese Studies and focis on Maths and Stats than that I still wanted to dribble along doing a few other subjects at the same time...
Sigh, So it looks like something's gotta give. Either Stats, Spanish, or even Chinese if it is going to require me to give up too much else. I sort of wanted to at least semi finish a Stats major (minus 6 credit points) just in case I wanted that in the future, or to do a AYAD thing or something.. But I am also rather attached to Spanish and would find that rather hard to let go of. But to do Chinese at a higher level i really should expose myself a bit more to the humanities (the evil evil humanities). So blah I would have to do 2 or even 3 subjects towards Chinese next semester. Once I make this descision i think I can live with it, making it on the other hand might require considerable pain. Seeing whether I get a scholarship for China may help alleviate the pain, although it would be preferable to see this sooner rather than later, at least sooner than the exchange deadline so I can change first preference to beijing...

It's times like these you can only go Om Mani Padme Hum :)

《红楼梦》

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 22:59:56 GMT

我今天要写一点关于《红楼梦》。这本书是中国文学得最有名，最专横的书。因为它很长，我看不了原文，不得不看翻译的书。我看了是被DavidHawkins 翻译了。我觉得他很好，翻译得非常生动的。而且他翻译的曹雪芹的诗。我不知道原文的诗歌怎么样，但是David Hawkins英语写的是个非常动人。

我没想到这本书，这个课会给我这么深的印象。小说的意思是之一是普通，天天的生活，就没有什么意思，没有什么目的。我们以为我们有目的但是实际上我们生活里的目的都不重要。重要的是找/得到悟。我这几天想起这本书很多次。还有书里面的nu人。（我怎么打印nu?, 那个“u"不一样，键盘不认识我打印的。）

好了，我没有时间说书里面的nu人，得出去大学，要不然来不及！

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 05:36:42 GMT

Om Mani Padme Hum (唵嘛呢叭咪吽, pinyin Ǎn Má Ní Bā Mī Hōng).......... I solemny swear to stop obsessing about the future and to be more 'presenty'. Free the self from desires...Live for the moment.

暗嘛呢叭咪红！ my chinese character package doesn't seem to have 'an'=唵,and 'hong'=吽. This mantra is a Tibetan buddhist mantra to the Boddhistava of compassion. I just wiki'ed it and got to a link where Lama Zopa Rinpoche says "The benefits of reciting the Compassion Buddha mantra are infinite, like the limitless sky." Hmmm......
.
well.... Om mani padme hum.....om mani padme hum....feeling more compassionate and calm already :)

Time for some indulgence in the present ;)

Chinese idioms

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 02:16:34 GMT

不要忘记我的中文，得努力学习！

大吃大喝

(4 1 4 1)
Literal : Eat and drink to one's heart's content;

English: to waste too much money on feasting and partying;

A Spanish idiom a day

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 02:09:43 GMT

A donde fueres haz lo que vieres.

Literal: Wherever you go, do what you see.

English: When in Rome do as the Romans do.

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 03:16:51 GMT

¡Estoy estúpido!
How reading the question properly can transform an impossible task into a relatively simple one. I have been lamenting my complete lack of ability in Stats all morning and how I just fundamentally don´t understand what I am doing. Well...now that I have stopped being tanto estúpido the ¨understanding¨ is flowing all through me.

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 12:00:07 GMT

Mañana hay un examen en español. Estoy muy aprensivo, porque no sé nada! Para mi, distinguir cuando usamos el preterito perfecto de el indefinido todavía es dificil. Además a pesar de que tengo cuidado, siempre cometo muchos errores. En el examen hay muchas cosas que tengo concentrar mi atención, poe ejemplo: si el verbo es irregular, que pasado, que conjugacaión (yo, tú, etc..), que palabra. Muchas cosas y no hay mucho tiempo.

Hoy he pensado mucho sobre ir a chino. No sé el razon, pero este manaña cuando me despertaba, pensé del chino. Pienso que soñé de la beca que solicité en Diciembre. La universidad la beca no la dieron a nadie, pues tienen que darlo a alguien este semestre. ¿Es una oportunidad, no? Lo creo.

Ahora, tengo que estudiar para el examen. ¡Deséame suerte!

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 11:42:49 GMT

Yay. I am now the happy owner of Settlers of Catan with all its extensions!¡!¡

mi determinación

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 10:31:13 GMT

Hoy resuelvo escribir algo en español cada dia, ( o por lo menos cada semana). La mayoría de mis amigos no pueden leer eso, pero me pueden vigilar. En realidad, debería escribir algo en chino tambien...quizas en el futuro lo proberé pero ahora estoy bastante ocupado.

Este tarde he cocinado la cenar para mi y mi novio. Cuando estabamos viniendo a casa, tenía mucho hambre, pues despues de llegué a casa empezó a cocinar inmediatamente. El razon que tenía tanto hambre es que he hecho ¨bodypump¨, y he usado mis músculos.

Ahora voy a mirar la television. SBS va a dar una program sobre los juegos de computadoras por el Internet. ¡Hasta Luego!

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 07:03:04 GMT

Men all know that salvation should be won,
But with ambition won't have done, have done.
Where are the famous ones of days gone by?
In grassy graves they lie now, every one.

Men all know that salvation should be won,
But with their riches won't have done, have done.
Each day they grumble they've not made enough.
When they've enough, it's goodnight everyone!

....

In such commotion does the world's theatre rage:
As each one leaves another takes the stage.
In vain we roam:
Each in the end must call a strange land home...

Buddhist Sentiments from Dream of the Red Chamber

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 00:02:46 GMT

'Alas! this particle of dust,
the human soul,
Is only playing out
a predetermined role.
Why grieve to watch
The Wheel of Karma turn?
A moonlike purity remains
My constant goal.'

Since at first there was no space,
Things can have no proper place.
From Void all comes;
To Void must all return.

volume 4 ch 87

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 07:05:25 GMT

Well, it was pointed out to em so time ago that I should not have my most recent post coming up as an "I'm so depressed" entry..and so I have decided finally to update my journal. Still gettiug used to this whole bloggy thing. So I have not recorded our trip here, instead wrote lots of emails, but then I suppose I id not publish these to everyone.
The trip was great, (to China, Spain and Portugal and The Netherlands) taversing my four language zones, and had me wanting to stay longer an improve my proficiency in all of them. Now we're been home a month and after coming down off my travelling high, real life has taken grip. But real life is quite fun this semester so far. I will have to find a way to manage everything as semester goes on and gets busier, but for now, I am on top of things and have been doing lots of fun things too. It was a resolution this yearto see friends more (esp than last year when I felt like I'd lost contact with lots of people). I don't like it that there are some friends now who I hardly know what they are up to or how they are anymore, cause I never see them round. So every fortnight we have been having games night or some kind of fortnightly night that ineveitably ends up being a games night with our group of friends.

So far they have been great, we had games night, pancakes night (which ended in a risk game) and tapas night. The first games night shalll forever be in my memory as the games night where James went into the bathroom to eat biscuits cause he didn't have enough to share around with everyone, only to get busted by someone coming in to wash their hands. It was hilarious as he sheepishly had to explain himself to everyone ;).

Last night was tapas night and we showed people our spain pictures. I made spanish meatballs and spanish vegetables and chickpeas, and also little things on bread like chorizo. Oh I nearlly forgot the salmorejo soup. That turned out fantastically, there were just a little too many people, or a bit too little soup. We opened one our our single colheita ports which are like vinatge ports excpet it wasn't from a declared vintage year.
At one point during the night, John who came late and was hungry, was told he could go and eat some meat skewers if he wanted, as I had made these meat skewers and they just needed to be grilled for a few minutes. Next thing we know, an much to everyone's mirth he's eaten one, but without cooking it, not even realising it was raw!!

This semester has also got off to a good start with the starting of the Wednesday hump day tradition. Every wednesday I am doing body balance and then we do something to celebrate it being the end of wednesday and hence being over the "hump" of the middle of the week. Last week it was winetasting and dinner in the new cafe up the road which was very lovely.

I am also really enjoying my subjects, well stats is just OK, but I am enthusiastic about spnish I just need to sit down and do some hard work. And the chinese subject I am doing, we get to read The Dream of The Red Chamber which is turning out to be really fantastic. I will probably write some more about my thoughts on this book later. It is massive (5 volumes) and I really should go keep reading it now cause I am a bit behind by this weeks schedule. It is giving me a real insight into pre modern chinese culture as well.

So yes, I have long been quite a lot happier than I was during the week I last posted. ;)

Tue, 16 May 2006 05:22:18 GMT

Argghhh
I feel so tired and basically shit!!!
And I hate feeling like shit!!! :)
I think I will go nap now, how depressing things seem. Why do I find life so wearing??

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 11:59:58 GMT

How Sad, I have spent this evening watching reality TV. I hang my head in shame!
I just couldn't resist seeing who wins The Biggest Loser! In a way, though I rubbish all these shows and complain about the competition system, when you see them all happy with themselves and looking so much better it is kind of gushy and inspirational. I was watching it with my Mum at home during the holiday, and she is overweight, although not quite resembling the weights of the female contestants when they went in, and I think she is working really hard at it recently. Riding the exersize bike and stuff.

On another aspect, I have decided to "discontinue without fail" my Spanish unit of study. I think,...:). I somehow cannot reconcile myself to that decision, except by thinking I don't want to do the assessment task tomorrow, which is very shortsighted of me I think. But perhaps it is short sighted to think I would be dissapointed if I didn't do it THIS semester, right now... Now that I have semi-started I have much more motivation to keep learning. Maybe it is to do with being a hardened 4th year now rather than a bright fresh 1st year, but Spanish just hasn't grabbed me the way Chinese did. I think the structure and teaching of the course has a lot to do with it too. The Chinese dept has great teachers and co-ordinates the course really well, up until this year we always had a class every day of the week, which provides you with the continuity you really need to learn a language.

I think I just 'want' to take it easy at the moment, and I am not so sure if I 'need' to take it easy (despite my doctors certificate). Because I am still happy enough to go out on the weekend and stuff like that. Is that human nature? or evey-nature :).

Bio maths is really stressing me out. All this wierd ODE stuff the lecturer is talking about seems to have come out of nowhere (make that the 6 lectures I missed).I don't know the people in my class, so I feel kind of alone and isolated. I am actually not a very sociable- good at making friends type of person... In my other maths classes I have always had good friends that have just been there. I was lucky in 1st year when most of these people made friends with me!, If they hadn't I don't know who I would hang out with!!

So much Sleep

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 05:22:35 GMT

Arghh, HAve been sleeping for four hours!! There was a bit in the middle when I was a bit awake and moved to a different couch due to being hot, but I did not really gain much semblence of consiousness during that time. Have not done any study yet today. This is screwing up study plan!! STRESS STRESS

It was quite a warm day today which is what put me to sleep at 11am two hours after I got out of bed for the second time. I got up at 7:30 to see Mum and Dad before they left, but was so sleepy that before they had even left for work I was back in bed. Then I got up again at 9am. and had some jam on homemade bread and did a few Yoga stretches, and then curled up on the couch (It's very comfy that new couch mum and Dad have bought) and slept.

Now I am just waking up and really not in the mood for study, and have no-one at hand to complain about this to, so I'm having a vent here. I have this anxiety thinking about the tests that I find it harder to sit down and do work for the test than sit down and do work for some other non-pressureful reason, but I know I can't just go and do another subject, because I have to do Chinese and study for the test.

Caramelised Apples

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 12:27:43 GMT

I'm sleepy.
And thinking about caramelised apples. mmmm, yummy. apples with cinnamon is such a comfort-winterish food.
I want to go to Uni on Thursday and go to my Chinese class, and tutor and attend a Biomaths lecture. But I know my Mum would probably kill me if I did. I would be tired at the end of the day, but I think I could handle it for a limited period. I guess I am not supposed to make myself tired as my body needs all the enery it can get to recover. You know what that means...Icecream and cake ...;) (and spinach and lots of veges and vitamin food)

Anyway, I think I will make an apple cake this week when people are coming over on Thursday.

I had a nice surprise today when the Uni people called me and effectively I guess I was promoted, so now I am a "Student Ambassador" and get to go round to schools and tell them how great our Uni is and talk to students about Uni life etc etc, Pretty cool, certainly better than market research, although I hope to juggle the jobs around (if my health is up to it). Damn health. I need/(actually..that's want) the extra money. (World trip, World trip, World trip, World trip....). Machu Pichu, Spain, Netherlands, Sweden, Croatia and Slovenia, China(the top half this time), and Nepal/Pakistan, are never going to fit into one trip without a substantial bank balance (and chunk of time).

Anyway. I'm sleepy now zzzzzz soo sleepy, always sleepy

Me Sick? In-concievable!!

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 04:22:35 GMT

How am I supposed to rest and recover, arrgghh stressful! ;), How strange, I think most people would not find it stressful to be told they should just do nothing..;), I am a funny one. It is easier to just not go to work, although I still feel a mild strain as it is eating away at my travel funds. I think I could not bring myself to drop my uni load, unless I was really obviously stay in bed sick, which is not what Glandular is like. It is a generally feel bad, not healthy, illness.

Arrgggggggghhhhh. I can't believe I got Glandular! I NEVER get sick! Which is apparent because apparently I didn't contract it at all when my sisters had it so badly. I am just not used to the whole being sick thing, and because Glandular has such a wishy-washy effect, it is harder because recovery is also a more wishy washy thing. It could be detrimental for me to pursue my usual "If I think that I'm healthy, I'll be healthy, " as that would result in me going to Uni, but just feeling pretty crap for my general life, and that would just be crap.
It was very good to see Mum and have her stay. She and the doctor met after my appointemnt, and had a doctor-Mum talk to me to have a "good proper rest", and by proper he means time off Uni at least initially.
I feel tired, but staying home keeps me feeling better. It's what is more important- how I'm feeling, or my life (which I consider to revolve around Uni) which is slipping beyond my control.

DOn't stress, maybe I should have a nap, or finish my chinese assessment. Have to get over the feeling of being a slacker. That is my biggest problem I guess, I have always been a bit prejudiced against slackers, and people using the system, and don't want to feel like I am abusing my doctors certificate...

"ooo I get by with a little help from my friends
Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I just want someone to love
"

At least I have great friends and housemates.

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 09:52:26 GMT

Doing Market research reveals what people are really like to other people when they can't actually see them. I don't think people would be as rude as they are if they could actually see you, but when you are just an abstract conception on the end of a phone yuo are sub human to some people and they don't seem to mind treating you badly, yet don't feel like they have been rude or mean, and don't feel guilty about it at all. I think it says alot about you as a person, how you behave towards someone, when you don't have the social trained politeness you feel obliged towards when you are talking face-face.

It's like all the people in 'other countries' that need help etc, but although you have this vague notion that it's 'bad' there, it is very difficult to concretely concieve of the people as personalities and humans with emotions/ feelings just like us, when they are so far away, more in their life style, than geographically.

Anyway, I am drop-dead-in-bed, ;)tired, body is operating in sleep debit, not good, take good care of self!! That's why I had icecream for dessert, and then a lindt chocolate ball for good measure ;), All about the self eh! ;) Yoga and Body balance is good too, Yoga this week especially, felt really switched on inside, like my body was aware of itself and all its' systems operations.

goal for tomorrow morning: sleep well, get up early to be Yoga Master Eve, before I go to work to be Cheerful- positive, polite, persistent, consistent, calm, caffeine free Market Reasearcher Eve. Stop being Market Researcher Eve immediatly after work finish! Transform into laid-back Sunday afternoon relaxed Eve

Goal for next week:
Uni Student Eve! studious, positive, persistent, consistent, conscientious, calm, clever, relaxed, rejuvenated Eve

Meditation: release pent up negative thoughts about people never met except on the phone. Forgive them, Understand them, Wish them happiness.
Was there ever such a loving Market Researcher? ;)